Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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