the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
