There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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