Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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