remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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