He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
