so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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