Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize