Are we in a gay sports bar?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
