Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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