Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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