Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
