I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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