This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
