Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am puke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
