If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
