I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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