last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
