Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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