as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
