living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
