i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize