I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
