??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Houston, we have a squirter
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
