yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He better not be in your backpack
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
