I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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