my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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