I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I understand Curling. That high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
