You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
