do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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