moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are the jesus of drinking
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
