And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
