Please, let me fuck your mom
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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