you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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