It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
