Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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