I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
