I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
