Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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