Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Acid is not a monday night drug
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
