That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
