A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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