dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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