Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
