I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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