Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
