me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i came on her dog
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
