How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
