unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
