It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
