i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
