I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
