So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
