I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
