Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
