I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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