You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
