shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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