I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
