That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
