I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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