Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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